Never EVER do that again

So about a week ago my husband says to me "I set Stacey up with this dude from my job". Stacey's my best friend. This is the friend who I let him give a ride home to and was skeptical about the whole thing. Well i ask how'd that happen? He says "I thought he was a good guy so I called her and hooked them up" (YUP SEE WHAT I MEAN? Numbers stayed in phones). Anyway... so he's talking this guy up "he's such a nice guy..." "He's closing on a house..."

So I call Stacey and she doesn't sound too excited. Now Stacey isn't one for dating outside of Black men so when I found out he was white I figured she wouldn't even talk to the guy but she decided to give him a try but she was really wary of it. After she talked to him the first time she says she's thinking about changing her mind on the whole inter-racial dating thing. She says this just may be a good hook up. Then she talked to him a few more times and things began to take a turn. She said he told her he told his grandmother about her. She asked what he said and he says that he told her he really liked her - she was African American - lived in Newark - and has 3 kids. I cracked up b/c I got the point she was making when she told me this. I actually laughed for a few minutes. Then she had said something to him about well you left out one of the most important things and he goes "No I told them you were Black". She was like "No I was talking about how pretty I am..." She said That he was really corny and made corny jokes. She told him "Maybe we should do a group thing like I bring someone, you bring some one.... (meaning my husband and me) and he asked who she had in mind. Before she could answer he says "Liberache? I always wanted to have dinner with Liberache!" Ummmm... WTF?!?!?!? And his picture he sent wasn't that cute but she is to that point now that she's willing to date people she doesn't find attractive. So she still makes a date with him!!!

Now Stacey works in the HOOD. So homeboy says's he didn't want to go all the way to her job cause it's too rough where she works so he's gonna pick her up and meet her at some corner. She was like "Oh Hell no. What do I look like getting in a white man's car on the corner in the hood?" I'm like "true... true..." So he picks her up at her job. Meanwhile all the guys on the block are looking like "WTF?!?" Cause that's the type of guy she usually goes for so I'm sure they all tried to get at her already. She gets in, they go for pizza. She was not only not attracted but found him to be unattractive. Then he did things like pick his nose at the table, then pick the mushrooms off of his pizza with his booger hands and put them on her plate, stand up and pull a wedgie out dead in her face, and HUGE burps. Then he says to her "What if I'm not the real "Evan"? What if the real "Evan" is sitting outside watching you?" WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO A WOMAN?!?!?! ON A FIRST DATE?!?!? A BLIND ONE AT THAT?!?!?!?

The whole time she sent me text saying "NO, No No No No No I am going to Kill your husband" and "What did I ever do to him? He must not like me."

I cracked up. So when hubby gets home I'm like "What were you thinking?" He goes "Yo he REALLY likes her. Like REALLY " He kept saying "He's a nice guy" I'm like Honey, it takes more than being a nice guy. You just can't go hooking folks up with people cause they are nice. Now he's gonna get his feelings hurt. And then he's all "Girls dump him all the time, it's no big deal." SWEETIE WASN'T THAT A SIGN? I tried to explain to him that if I bought him a pair of pink crocs in his size that doesn't make it ok b/c they are your size. They are still a pink pair of crocs! Just because he's a nice guy it doesn't make up for all the other things that were so wrong about him, escpecially for wrong for Stacey."

He is never to try and hook my friends up again. Ever.

When will I ever learn?

I don't know how many times stories like this have to be told before people learn. In this instance people would mean me.

So Saturday night I go out with the girls to City Island for some seafood. On the ride back we start reminiscing about high school. We start talking about how much we used to drink and get totally fucked up. About how much we used to smoke and get totally fucked up. Most of the stories surrounded me because I was the one that had to be babysat once the alcohol showed up. So we also talked about who we didn't want to mess with b/c they weren’t clipped you know where... We talked about who did what to who on the kitchen counter when the parents drove up... We talked about it all. Oh and we talked and we laughed! It was an all around good ol time.

Monday morning. Boss comes in. Walks by and says

Boss - "Did you need me this weekend?"

Me - "No"

Boss- "You called me Saturday night around 11:00. I listened for a while but then thought it was a conversation I shouldn't be hearing and hung up"

Me (totally embarrassed) - "Uhhhhhh oops. I was out with the girls.... It was serious girl talk."

Boss- "Yeah I know. I told you I listened for a little while but it was something I knew I shouldn't hear so I hung up"

OMG! Mortified. Lock the keys on your blackberry before tossing it in your purse all willy nilly.

But then the same afternoon he did it while talking about his brother and one of the vendors called him and totally started talking about the whole convo he'd heard. That’s what he gets for listening to my naughty business huh?