It's been a long time!

So it's been a while. I don't know why I stopped writing. I think it was all the complaining I was doing. I hate the whole woe is me BS.

So a couple of crazy things that have happened since I left you.

Crazy mother in law... Have I ever mentioned my mother in law is a sociopath? Well she has a classic case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm sure of it. I mean it's already established that she is a Looney Tune. Get a check every month crazy. But no one has ever mentioned her exact disorder but I'm sure I've diagnosed her correctly. I'm constantly printing things from offline and bringing them to my husband but he never reads them. I guess that is probably really annoying. "Look! See your mama does this... read this!" Would probably annoy me. Well anyway. There are 3 brothers. The youngest one is clearly her favorite. My husband is the oldest one and suffered the majority of her abuse and then a middle one. Well the youngest one always saw the crazy mean off the wall stuff she did to the older ones but she never did it to him. She lives hundreds of miles away but still manages to terrorize them.

WELL.... Good ol Mama thought the youngest was living with a woman and not telling her (he's 27). She heard the girlfriend say "Honey Im home" one day while she was on the phone. From there the madness started. She started cussing him out called him all types of MF'rs... Then here is the kicker. He was supposed to start working at an airline. Home girl (the mother) told me one night that she was gonna call the airline and his current job and make sure he didn't get the job he was going for AND get him fired from his current job. I was like "No.... that isn't a good idea... blah blah blah..." The next night baby brother called. Airline called him and told him don't bother coming in for his first day. Yup she actually called the Airline and found her way to the right person and told them GOD KNOWS WHAT and got his job offer rescinded. This woman stops at nothing to get what she wants. She even got FEMA to move her to a new apartment after a big rainstorm. She claimed it caused black mold in her apartment. Was her apartment flooded you ask? No. She just called them daily several times a day for months until they did it. And now she goes and does this. To the only one of her sons that actually seemed to still care for her.

Now no one is speaking to her. And she leaves messages on our machine that this was between her and her “baby” and she has God on her side and the devil is a liar and she is withdrawing all of her life insurance and they can do whatever the want with her body….

Sometimes she calls and blocks her number but I got hip to that one the last time she threw a fit. My husband actually told her on Saturday not to call us anymore. He is the type that shows no emotion so I wonder what it is doing inside to him to have to tell his mother not to call anymore. It must suck to have a crazy mother…

Can someone please return my man?

I love my husband dearly... I really do. But marraige has changed him. Not necessarily for the good or bad but just different. I guess it's a mixture of both and it zeros out. Well anyway, all of the sudden he has opinions about me and my son (oops. our son) and what we should do and shouldn't do. Before marraige. He was like having a husband who worked overseas and ond only occasionally came home. Only overseas was the couch and working was napping. Me and my son did things and went wherever we wanted. By ourselves. Maybe it isn't how families should be but it was what we were used to.

Well it all started maybe 2 days after we got married I said I needed to go to the grocery store. And homeboy grabs his keys and says "Let's go before it gets too late" UH? HUH? OK whatever... Well we go and it was awful. I always thought I would like it when I saw other couples in the store. But no. It's better done alone ladies. And it was so rare that I actually felt uncomfortable. Like that first date, this is weird feeling. Or like that uncomfortable feeling you get when you go out with someone from work for the first time and it's strange to be around them without cubicles and staplers and stuff and it just doesn't feel right.

Now Halloween. Homeboy doesn't want us going trick-or-treating. Because there have been too many drive-bys. Well ok valid. But if he wasn't "overseas" for the first 8 years of our relationship he'd know we only trick or treat on the block I grew up on. In the suburbs. Towns away. But he was busy overseas these past few years so he is unfamiliar with our routine.

So I'm like fine. Good I could use a night away. So I tell him I'm going out tonight and he's on father duty for the night. He says fine. I say I'm going to the lodge and he says to me, "Friday nights are the nights people from my job go. Do you really think it is appropriate for a married woman to be hanging out at a bar with a bunch of bus drivers?" with this Father Knows Best look on his face...

By the time I finished with that one he was all "No... No.... you desever it Sweetie... Have a good time"

So I am! Happy Halloween!

P.S. A lot of married guys I talked to said they went through the same thing when they got married. All the sudden they thought it was their job to be the boss. Apparently I just need to keep bringing him back to reality and it will fade.

The straw that broke Diana's back

So I'm trying to keep my head above water right now. Not financialy but just with life. My husband was hurt at work and found not physically able to do his job anymore. This was over a year ago. He had 2 options, take whatever job they offered or get fired. He did what was right and took whatever was offered. He has 8 years there and it would be stupid to lose his pension with just 2 years remaining. But the job they gave him paid $20K less a year and was a split shift. So he worked 4am to 8am and then had 4 hrs off and then had to go back at 12pm to 4:30pm. It was really rough on him. He bidded for a new postion and got it. It pays more the hours still suck but they are not split. But the hours are better FOR HIM. Now he is working 4pm to 12 am with Thurs and Fri off. Still sucks but at least it's not split anymore. So basically we are never home at the same time and I'm always doing everything myself.

Then on top of that, somebody must have knocked him in the head with something on the way out of the church when we got married because for some reason he thinks he has a housewife and not a working wife. Homeboy all the sudden expects Denny's style breakfasts on saturdays and sundays. He also thinks that the counter is where you put your plate after eating. Someone also told him his job is to delegate jobs to his staff which he assumes must be me. Now I have no problem being a housewife if he wants to be the sole provider. Until then throw out your own plate and make your own damned sandwich.

Last night the camels back broke. An organization I'm a part of (the Fairest Among Thousands, Alltogether Lovely) was throwing a halloween party for the kids yesterday. I woke up at 6:30 to get what I could get done before they (hubby and son) woke up. He asked what I was doing and I told him. I told him I needed to be at the lodge 9am. He tells me at 8:00 that he is hungry and would like me to make breakfast but I will need to go to the supermarket to get eggs, bacon and grits because he used them up making his breakfast during the week. I told him I needed to go but I'd get him breakfast from mcdonalds. He tells me he is no longer eating outside food and fine he just won't eat. (this is where n0days would insert a video of someone looking at him like he was crazy). I just said fine don't eat. Then he sends my son to me talking about "Daddy said you were gonna make us breakfast." Long story short I bought my son mcdonalds then had to drag him around with me to set up for the party. At 9pm when I finally got a chance to sit down I call hubby (he's at work) and he tells me he has some things to say to me when he gets home.

Fast forward to 12:30. Me collapsed on couch after coming home cleaning cooking and then cleaning some more and dealing with an overtired 3yo. He comes in I askwhat did he need to say?

********************************Drumroll please*************************************

"Do you think you are fulfilling your responsibilities in this household?"

SIGH. I went off.

All things are back to normal now and the side effects of his head injury seem to be gone.

Never EVER do that again

So about a week ago my husband says to me "I set Stacey up with this dude from my job". Stacey's my best friend. This is the friend who I let him give a ride home to and was skeptical about the whole thing. Well i ask how'd that happen? He says "I thought he was a good guy so I called her and hooked them up" (YUP SEE WHAT I MEAN? Numbers stayed in phones). Anyway... so he's talking this guy up "he's such a nice guy..." "He's closing on a house..."

So I call Stacey and she doesn't sound too excited. Now Stacey isn't one for dating outside of Black men so when I found out he was white I figured she wouldn't even talk to the guy but she decided to give him a try but she was really wary of it. After she talked to him the first time she says she's thinking about changing her mind on the whole inter-racial dating thing. She says this just may be a good hook up. Then she talked to him a few more times and things began to take a turn. She said he told her he told his grandmother about her. She asked what he said and he says that he told her he really liked her - she was African American - lived in Newark - and has 3 kids. I cracked up b/c I got the point she was making when she told me this. I actually laughed for a few minutes. Then she had said something to him about well you left out one of the most important things and he goes "No I told them you were Black". She was like "No I was talking about how pretty I am..." She said That he was really corny and made corny jokes. She told him "Maybe we should do a group thing like I bring someone, you bring some one.... (meaning my husband and me) and he asked who she had in mind. Before she could answer he says "Liberache? I always wanted to have dinner with Liberache!" Ummmm... WTF?!?!?!? And his picture he sent wasn't that cute but she is to that point now that she's willing to date people she doesn't find attractive. So she still makes a date with him!!!

Now Stacey works in the HOOD. So homeboy says's he didn't want to go all the way to her job cause it's too rough where she works so he's gonna pick her up and meet her at some corner. She was like "Oh Hell no. What do I look like getting in a white man's car on the corner in the hood?" I'm like "true... true..." So he picks her up at her job. Meanwhile all the guys on the block are looking like "WTF?!?" Cause that's the type of guy she usually goes for so I'm sure they all tried to get at her already. She gets in, they go for pizza. She was not only not attracted but found him to be unattractive. Then he did things like pick his nose at the table, then pick the mushrooms off of his pizza with his booger hands and put them on her plate, stand up and pull a wedgie out dead in her face, and HUGE burps. Then he says to her "What if I'm not the real "Evan"? What if the real "Evan" is sitting outside watching you?" WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO A WOMAN?!?!?! ON A FIRST DATE?!?!? A BLIND ONE AT THAT?!?!?!?

The whole time she sent me text saying "NO, No No No No No I am going to Kill your husband" and "What did I ever do to him? He must not like me."

I cracked up. So when hubby gets home I'm like "What were you thinking?" He goes "Yo he REALLY likes her. Like REALLY " He kept saying "He's a nice guy" I'm like Honey, it takes more than being a nice guy. You just can't go hooking folks up with people cause they are nice. Now he's gonna get his feelings hurt. And then he's all "Girls dump him all the time, it's no big deal." SWEETIE WASN'T THAT A SIGN? I tried to explain to him that if I bought him a pair of pink crocs in his size that doesn't make it ok b/c they are your size. They are still a pink pair of crocs! Just because he's a nice guy it doesn't make up for all the other things that were so wrong about him, escpecially for wrong for Stacey."

He is never to try and hook my friends up again. Ever.

So back to the dudes on the couch

So I walk in go in my room to review my purchases and hear a man say my name. I start screaming. Like horror flick top of my longs screaming and I hear "Don’t scream don't scream!" I walk into the living room and there are 2 dudes on the couch. One starts saying "You know me you know me." Turns out it is the chick from down the hallway's bf or fb ... (yes the one who got evicted). So he starts this long explanation of how the bloods chased him into the stairway and he shot at them and now the cops are after him. Yeah my building was full of bloods. I told y’all it was hood. So the cops were looking for him and he ran to the apartment of this dude down the hallway. I had just come back from vacation and the dude down the hallway had been feeding my cat and still had the key and let these MFers hide in my apartment. (Mind you I was still pretty green from growing up in Maybury and thought nothing of giving the dread down the hallway my key).

So I didn't want anybody putting my name in this shit and getting caught up in this so I said “Well chill here until things die down and then get out.” So what do you talk about to 2 dudes you don’t know hiding from the bloods and the cops? You tell them email jokes. So we sat there until like 3 in the morning telling stupid jokes. And then when all had died down I told them to get the F out. But not before my dumbass had the cute one suck my toes and gave him my phone number. (I’ve come a long way people). So dude would call me CONSTANTLY talkin about "I think I'm falling in love with you.” When he cried on the phone one day I changed my number and that was the end of that situation. Until homegirl found me on myspace. Next thing you know I got a friend request from the cry baby talking about "just cause you got problems with her don't change what we have" WTF? Delete account. Mi vida loca